Saturday, September 23, 2006

Rock Squeezer Rogers Returns to Oregon

Still reeling from the loss of his lawnball, Those Darn Accordions frontman, Paul Rogers, is readying himself for a return to the scene of the crime. TDA plays the Columbia County Oktoberfest next Fri and Sat (Sept 29,30) in St. Helens, OR. The show will take place less than 100 miles from Seaside, OR, where the famous lawnball disappeared. (The rare Chinese victorian gazing ball is featured on the CD cover of TDA's latest offering, "Lawnball"). No ransom note has ever surfaced, but Rogers' people have intimated that "something big" is going to go down in St. Helens. "We're pretty sure we'll be returning with the orb" said Rogers in an interview this week in San Francisco. "Whether it comes home in one piece or a hundred, I still don't know." "I can guarantee you that the Chucklef**ck who lifted it is going to have to be airlifted himself after we're through with him" "These past few months have been hell without the ball" Rogers added. "My wife grouted over my old bowling ball and stuck a bunch of pieces of broken mirror on it, but it lacks the lustre and appeal of the original."


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can you say "posse"?

I say we get all the TDA fans together, and go knockin' on whoever's door what's suspected of harboring the lawnball. I think the sight of several thousands TDA fans clustering about with pitchforks and torches and wheezing squeezeboxes might be enough to persuade 'em to hand it over. Think of it as a teachable moment. If all else fails, I'm sure a few kneecaps pressed between the two halves of an accordion case would get them to see things our way.

Just light up the TDA bat signal, and the TDA fans will beeline to the West Coast to assist, Toot Sweet! (Er, tout de suite.)

Damn them! Damn them all to, er, Damnation!

--Sam Grey

10:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As you know, Seaside Oregon is a destination resort vacation area. Has it occurred to you that the "lawnball" just needed a well deserved rest surrounded in the tranquility of Seaside and the might Pacific Ocean. Perhaps it made friends with the Japanese floating balls which wash ashore in the area and just went out on a date. Don't be too hard on the Seaside folks as they are huge fans and own some of the largest accordions in the land. Rumour has it that there will be a reuniting during the St. Helens show and we're trying to get Maury Povich to host.

5:00 PM  
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