Monday, August 21, 2006

Rock Squeezer's Lawnball Goes Missing

Paul Rogers, lead singer for Those Darn Accordions, stares at the empty pedestal which held his beloved lawnball. His son Jonny points to where the famous orb had been residing since being used in the cover shot for TDA's "Lawnball" CD, released in 2004. A visibly shaken Rogers was consoled by concerned fans after an Aug 19 show in Seaside, OR where the ball disappeared after being used as a prop on stage. "It's really a Victorian Gazing ball", explained Rogers. I changed the name to make it sing better. It's made of fine ornamental glass from Zhangjiang Xiang, a provence in Northern China. It's extremely delicate and needs to be handled with great care" Rogers continued. " It also has to be polished daily, or it will develop cloudy blemishes on its hand crafted reflective surface. "Man, I miss that thing. It's way more than a stage prop, it's where I go to center myself between shows," said Rogers. " I've got a bass pond in the back, but it just doesn't reflect the same. I just hope whoever took it knows what they're doing when it comes to lawnballs. If he busts that sucker, I WILL dedicate my life to finding the bastard." When asked if he had any leads on getting the gadabouting globe back, Rogers replied, "Oh, I've got an idea who took it. I've got my people all over it, and you can take that to the bank."


Blogger Lewis said...

Oh my god, Paul -- you've got a bass pond? Get those things outta there, pronto, before the strings rust.

P.S. Terrible news about the lawnball. I'm ready to join the posse.

7:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We were shocked to hear that the victorian gazing ball vanished while you were visiting out sleepy little hamlet of Seaside. Out of this concern, we have formed our own local posse. We looked at a copy of the Lawnball CD so we knew just what we were looking for, and split up riding our mopeds and scooters all over town. We have placed an ad in the lost and found of the local paper, but it doesn't come out until Friday. Meanwhile, word comes that a ransom note has been received and we are preparing to meet the demands. We have been assured, however, that the ball is frolicking with other victorian gazing balls in a field located near Gearhart, Ore. All is safe and apparently it is being cared for in a professional manner. In the meantime. members of the posse have concluded that since the Lawnball CD is on the jukebox at a local pub, those responsible may turn up at this pub to gloat. Rest assured, we are prepared to sit at the pub every evening until we get to the bottom of this. By the way....nice show.

2:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Forget the lawnball...I couldn't take my eyes off the shoe and sock combo Mr. Rogers is wearing!

4:27 PM  
Anonymous Bill In Milwaukee said...

Those bastards!

Paul, we'll check around here. Although there are probably 2,000,000 of those suckers in backyards all over Wisconsin, so it might take a couple of days.

Deepest regrets.
Bill In Milwaukee

7:25 PM  
Anonymous Ludlow " The guy with the Green Lantern Hat" said...

Sorta reminds me of the story of the Doyle owl!

The Doyle Owl is considered to be an unofficial mascot of Reed College. It is a roughly three-foot high, 300 pound (136 kg), concrete statue of an owl that was originally located atop the Doyle section of the Old Dorm Block. Alternate histories include the owl originating from the yard of a Portland-area resident and being stolen by the residents of Doyle.

The owl was first stolen in 1913 in a dorm war. Another dorm kidnapped nine residents of Doyle, offering to exchange the captives for the owl. This did not work and the "hostages" escaped. The same rival dorm staged a two-hour siege on Doyle, featuring water, mud, and ammonia bombs. Doyle countered by using a firehose but the tradition was born.

Over the years the owl has been stolen countless times. However, an odd feature has accompanied this thievery. Whenever it is stolen, the stealers must flaunt it at a "showing," where elaborate measures are taken to slow and stop the owl from taking flight again. Often the resulting fracas involves the majority of the student body. Pictures of the owl in strange places have become de rigueur; it has been seen in the US at Disneyland, in Seattle, in San Francisco, and in Lincoln, Nebraska. Unsubstantiated rumors also place it in Paris, France, and in Jakarta, Indonesia.

It is reported that the owl was shown in a music video for the band Tears for Fears and was promptly stolen back from the band by Reed students. Other "showings" have included encasing it in ice, covering it in Vaseline while hanging it off the Blue Bridge, setting it on fire (using baking oil) and throwing it out the back of a speeding car. Angel Dawson, a 1983 Reed graduate, devoted her senior thesis to studying the anthropological implications of the Doyle Owl cult-following.

There are rumors that the owl has been destroyed and/or replaced by multiple copies. Since 1913 it has taken quite a battering and the resemblance to an owl now is diminished.

6:43 AM  
Blogger seaside said...

I'm ready to join that posse. I have a garden Gnome named Pete who disapeared late on the 19th or early Sunday morning.

Now, I can't say for sure
Pete had anything to do with this, but every time he shows back up, he's got all these wild stories about frollicking balls out in Gearhart somewhere.

Yea, I've got a Gnome in this fight.

4:11 PM  
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