New Review of TDA CDs

Baron Dave Romm offers up a review of 4 TDA CDs. Baron Dave is a conceptual artist and a noble of Ladonia who produces Shockwave Radio Theater, writes in a Live Journal demi-blog, plays with a very weird CD collection and an ever growing list of political links. He reviews things at random for obscure web sites. You can read all his music recommendations from Bartcop-E. Podcasts of Shockwave Radio Theater, Permanent archive. More radio programs, interviews and science fiction humor plays can be accessed on the Shockwave Radio audio page.

Squeeze Machine Secrets: 'Mr. Saggy Butt'

OK, let me just say from the outset that I am fully aware this is a ridiculous song. Of course, that only means it satisfies nicely the stringent criteria for inclusion in the TDA repertoire.

Having got that out of the way, let me quickly relate the inspiration for this ditty. It was on a family trip to the local mall, which in my case is about 40 miles away. There I had my first sighting of "The Mall Walkers."

I had read about these folks appearing in large midwest malls in the winter time and walking briskly around the the entire place for exercise. They usually show up just after the mall opens and begin walking a set course that takes them by literally every shop in the complex. I guess in a way you could call it power window shopping. They tend to walk in pairs and dress so they blend in with the rest of the shoppers, but not always. The more seasoned MW's wear sweats and headbands and take it pretty darn seriously. They've got elbows and they know how to use them, so you want to give these type a wide berth.

Regardless of dress, it's the relentless pace that gives them away. I was immediately mesmerized when I realized I had spotted some right in our own mall blazing by a Radio Shack and cutting a clean swath right through the heart of the line at the Cinnabon. I wanted to follow them but my wife yanked me into an Eddie Bauer and the moment was lost. It was a great image and I filed it away in hopes I could use it somewhere.

Now, every mall has at least one guy that does exactly the opposite of what the mall walkers do. His goal is walk as slowly as possible and linger as long as possible before he is rousted by the security guards and forced to move on. Although you could argue that they too are trying not to be noticed, you have to wonder when you see how they tend to accessorize their attire. In this case, I saw a fellow with all sorts of things hanging off his belt. A teddy bear, toy monkey head, etc. I never got a close enough to get a good look, so I was forced to make a few things up. But one thing that was very clear was his saggy pants. I think the idea is to drop one's drawers to such a low point, that the only mode of locomotion left possible is a slow shuffle.

It's really a bit like a self-imposed governor on one's ability to move. It seems to work great. So I went home with all this churning in my mind and mixed it all up and out came "Mr Saggy Butt." It's silly to be sure, but not nearly so much as the dance I made up to go with it.

I sent a little video of it to the rest of the band so they could learn it and they all replied that they were very concerned about my mental health. Not a new development, but perhaps further proof that may be used against me later. I do hope this doesn't show up on YouTube.

Squeeze Machine Secrets: 'The Janitor Knows'

Some of you know that in my other life I am an electrician. I don't do much of it these days, but occasionally my wife will let it slip to one of her friends and the next thing I know I'm up on a ladder hanging a ceiling fan.

That's exactly what I was doing when I got the inspiration for "The Janitor Knows." I saw a photograph on a wall in the room where I was working and it intrigued me enough to stop and take a closer look. It was a photo taken in a gymnasium of a guy in the foreground in what I thought was a janitor's uniform and two younger guys shooting hoops in the background.

It immediately hit me that this janitor must be waiting for these guys to finish their game so he can clean up the place and go home. It was like two different worlds in the same room. I couldn't get it out of my head and by the next day "The Janitor Knows" was done. It's actually my favorite tune on Squeeze Machine, but I really had to fight to get it on. Some of the gals in the band thought it was about a peeping tom and too creepy, but that never occurred to me. I assure you it is not.

A couple of months later, I mentioned to the people that I was working for that I had written a song about the photo on their wall. It turns out it's actually their son, who is a prison guard, and he is watching two prisoners during their exercise break. They were mildly amused at my interpretation. Geez, if I'd known what was really going on, I think I would have been sent in a whole different direction. I'm glad I didn't!

BTW, this is not the first time I got a song inspiration on the job. I was cutting some conduit and I cut my finger in the process. I immediately had an image of my high school shop teacher laughing at me. Out popped "Mr. Slagle's Revenge," which we recorded for Amped. Oh, the things I do for the sake of art!

Squeeze Machine Secrets: 'Cocktails in Tehran'

Ever wonder where the Howells traveled before they got shipwrecked on Gilligan's Island? Me too. Listen to "Cocktails in Tehran," use your imagination and let Carri act as your own private tour guide as she whisks you on a whirlwind vacation that would satisfy the wanderlust of even Thurston Howell III and Lovey.

Have Distortion, Will Travel

Hey, When Magnetic Fields set out to make a CD with distorted accordion, they should have given us a call. We've pretty much got it down to a science. With Sennheiser mics and amps set on overdrive, we get a pretty beefy crunch. The only concern, and it's a big one, is the dreaded feedback. I don't know why they were having trouble getting feedback because it's a constant threat when we play live. Of course, there's a big difference between "feedback" and "distortion" and the article doesn't make that distinction. It could just be a matter of semantics. Anyway, check out Magnetic Field's new CD, "Distortion" and then give "Squeeze Machine" a listen. It should make for an interesting comparison.

'Larry' Gets a Nice Review

Many thanks to UkeDoggy for the gushing review of "Larry's Wonderful Life" on Amazon.com. I especially like the part where he says he envisions a day when a lot of old TDA tunes will be "rediscovered" and given their due. We can only hope!

'Larry' hits No. 23 on Amazon.com

""Larry's Wonderful Life" off the new TDA CD, Squeeze Machine, is sitting at No. 23 in the "Classical-Ballets/Dances" category on Amazon.com MP3 downloads. It's No. 11,730 overall! Not bad, considering there are more than a million tunes available for download. We're not known for our ballads, but after the reception "Larry" and "Old Slow Guy" received at our shows this weekend, I look forward to adding a few more.

TDA Post-Show Wrap-Up

What a blast! Two nights, two Northern California shows, lots of new faces and plenty of old friends.

We had a great time playing so many songs off the new record, Squeeze Machine: "Heads and Horns," "Blame It on Those Darn Accordions," "Wrinkle Suit," "The Janitor Knows," "Glass of Beer Polka," "Mr. Saggy Butt," "Tandem Bike," "Stupid Things I Done," "This Song," "It's Now or Never."

We even ventured into the strange and scary Land of Musical Subtlety -- a region visited only rarely by this humble accordion-rock ensemble -- when we played a couple of "serious" songs: "Larry's Wonderful Life," also from Squeeze Machine, and "Old Slow Guy" from Lawnball. I hope those two numbers didn't throw anybody for too much of a loop!

Thanks to everybody who came out (and special props if you drove more than 100 miles -- you know who you are, and I won't name you here, lest Al "My Greenhouse Gas Is Better Than Yours" Gore is reading the Wall of Wheeze).

Thanks also to everybody at 142 Throckmorton Theatre and The Palms. Y'all were super-gracious, as per usual, and the sound was absolutely wonderful onstage (can't speak to the house sound, but I didn't see a lot of grimacing or bloody ears, so I'm guessing it was pretty good).

See you all next time.

Squeeze Machine Makes Let's Polka's 'Best of 2007'

The party-lovin' folks at Let's Polka list Squeeze machine as one of 2007's best accordion records.

"We’re not as prolific as Rolling Stone (yet)," master polka blogger Chris writes, "but we did review a bunch of new accordion albums. Some of our favorites included new releases by Those Darn Accordions, Acadian accordionist Elly Kelly, Tom Hagerman (of DeVotchKa), and Zevy Zions."

You can read the full review here.

Thanks for the shout out, Chris. And keep on crankin' out the polka news in 2008. Cheers!

'Heads and Horns': The Deer's Revenge

This video of a deer attacking a hunter is kind of old, but worth wasting a minute of your back-to-work Wednesday. I'm waiting for the "Heads and Horns" remix. (It's still my favorite song on Squeeze Machine.)

Enjoy!

Best Albums of 2007?

Everybody in the blogosphere is picking the best albums of 2007, including Wired's culture blog. Underwire is also letting readers nominate their own faves and vote -- and some joker added a record by a certain squeezebox rock band. Check the list and vote! (Don't miss the "next" link at the bottom, as that's where Squeeze Machine will probably be listed.)

Request 'Heads and Horns'

Want to help get the word out about Those Darn Accordions? Take a second to request "Heads and Horns" on Sirius' Outlaw Country. The Request a Song link is on the upper right-hand part of the page.

Outlaw Country is an awesome Sirius Satellite Radio channel (it's also available on channel 6063 on Dish Network satellite TV). The celebrity DJs play tons of great classic country, hard-core honky tonk and even rootsy rock 'n' roll -- a big focus is on strong songwriting. It's my favorite radio station, and I'm pretty sure "Heads and Horns" would fit right into the play list. (They already play TDA founder Big Lou's "Yoo Hoo Polka" on a regular basis.)

Nice Review for Squeeze Machine

A big bellowing thanks to Let's Polka for the swell review of Squeeze Machine.

Squeeze MachineSecrets: 'Heads and Horns'

It's been said that some songs just about write themselves, but in this case it was even simpler. My relocation to the Great Northwest has introduced me to many cultural wonders, such as single-wides, double-wides, guns going full auto in the night and good old-fashioned game hunting. I'm not much of a hunter, but an ad in the local paper caught my eye and inspired me to begin a month-long research project into the world of "Heads and Horns." That was the title of the ad and it was an invitation for all hunters to bring their trophies to a convention in Tacoma, Wash., for judging and award presentations. Here are the lines that stuck out:

"Heads and Horns"
"Do you have a trophy in hiding?"
"Boone and Crockett rules apply"
"Typical, Non-typical"
"Horns must be attached to the skull"

How could you not write a song after being given these lines?

"Typical, non-typical"? Whatever could that mean? I had no idea, but I immediately started walking around the house singing it. Turns out it means if the animal's horns are unblemished, they are "typical." If they are broken from fighting or some other mishap, they are "Non-typical."

Then I began my research to find out what the Boone and Crockett rules were. (Yes, it's Daniel Boone and Davy Crockett, who set the judging criteria for heads and horns way back in the 1800s). Finally, it was time to compile a list of every type of game that hunters stalk and put them in an order that was the most singable. This proved to be a real challenge for me and I still have trouble singing this tune without getting a little tongue-tied. I went into my studio and did a demo with a guitar and I got carried away and recorded a couple more tunes while I was at it.

I put them up on MySpace for kicks under the name The Grunts. I never intended for TDA to do the tune, but the band heard it and decided we should give it a go. After we had a track for the tune, I sent an e=mail to my pal Norton Buffalo and asked him to put a few harmonica tracks on top. He was in Idaho recording with Steve Miller, so I sent him an MP3. The next morning I had 2 AIFF files waiting in my in-box. Ah, the wonders of modern recording.

Susie suggested we get her friend Evan Price to add some fiddle and he did an outstanding job. I have to say the whole thing ended up sounding pretty dang authentic. My only regret is that the knee-slaps and hand-claps in the chorus got lost somehow. If we ever get a chance to remix, that will be one of the first things I fix!

Squeeze Machine Secrets: 'Wrinkle Suit'

TDA does a fair amount of traveling, and lately I've been spending a lot of time in airports. In fact, I'm writing this while I wait for a flight to San Antonio, Texas, to play the International Accordion Festival. Looking around, I see a lot of folks on cell phones, and in the past, if I wasn't writing this, I'd probably be on mine, too. It's a good time to call around the country and talk to festival directors and anybody else that might be interested in hiring a six-piece rock accordion band. Can you imagine what a cold call sounds like when you are trying to pitch this band?

"Yes, hello, this is Paul Rogers with Those Darn Accordions. Is Bob Jefferies in? Yes, Those DARN Accordions.... No, not that Paul Rodgers -- he spells his name with a "D," but we do have the same birthday! How about that! Well, anyway, we're a six-piece rock accordion band and we play lots of fairs and festivals and we would love to be considered for next year's ... Hello? Hello?"

You get the picture.

Well, last year I was waiting for a flight and making those cold calls and a salesman was seated right next to me doing the same thing. Only he was selling large industrial waste compactors. I'm not sure who had the harder job, but when you think about it, we were both trying to convince our clients to buy our squeeze! (Sorry about that.)

Anyway, this hapless fellow was going through his Rolodex and getting nowhere. I stopped making calls and began to listen to his calls. He had one heart-breaker where the potential client had just bought a new compactor the previous week. The poor guy had missed the sale by days and he looked pretty depressed. I noticed that his suit looked wrinkled and figured he had been traveling around the country for the past week and probably just wanted to get home. That's when the title "Wrinkle Suit" popped up, along with the first line from the song:

"I've got a cold call up in Raleigh and a red-eye to L.A.
If I can close in West Covina, I'll be home by Saturday"

And of course if you are going to write a song about a traveling salesman, you have to include a nod to the most famous of them all, Willy Loman. So I got right to it in the second line:

"I'm low man on the totem and Loman back in coach
And I'm feeling like a shadow of myself as we approach."

Lately I've been cutting back on the cold calls and just taking the calls that come in after we play a show. I like this approach better, because, let's face it, you really need to see TDA to get what all the hoopla is about. It's just about impossible to explain this band in 20 seconds! Well, time to get on my flight to Texas -- wrinkles and all!

Heads and Horns and ... a Video Shoot?

TDA squeezer emeritus Patty sends along a link to the Buckhorn Saloon and Museum in San Antonio, begging the question: Could there be a better place on the planet to shoot some video for our new song, "Heads and Horns"?

The Texas Legends website lays out the joint's interesting history:

"An enterprising entrepreneur, (Albert) Friedrich opened the saloon with the offer: 'Bring in your deer antlers and you can trade them for a shot of whiskey or a beer.' And so, the world’s most unique collection of horns and antlers began. Albert's father, Wenzel, soon joined in on the act, making handmade horn furniture for the saloon. In no time at all, cowboys and hunters began to bring in horns and trophy mounts from all kinds of animals."

I'm hoping we can stop by when we are in town for the International Accordion Festival. You may have a winner on the wall ...

Squeeze Machine Secrets: 'Glass Of Beer Polka'

What would a Those Darn Accordions CD be without a polka or a song about beer? In the interest of economy, I decided to combine the two ideas and "git 'er done" at the same time. The first demo of this song was about a suds-loving carpenter who gets a call from his sister to come over and put together a doll house for his niece. There were a few decent lines, but the tune just didn’t pop enough. (Read the original lyrics.)

Lewis suggested that I remodel the tune -- to "go big" with it, making it about a couple of beer-drinking knuckleheads that are building an actual addition on a house. In a weird confluence of art and reality, my brother and I had just started building a room on the back of my house. It’s hard to tell what was driving what -- the song describing the addition, or the addition providing fodder for the tune. In the end, I think it was a little of both.

I thought it would be fun to get Drew Carey to help out on the tune, but I was having trouble getting hold of him. As the deadline for the mix loomed, I became resigned that it wasn’t going to happen. Then, out of the blue, Drew gave me a call to invite the band to L.A. to back him on a live show. It's that weird polka synchronicity that happens from time to time.

I asked Drew if he would like to join us on the tune and he immediately agreed. We went to a small studio in Burbank and sang the tune together. Drew's a real down-to-earth great guy and we had a lot of yucks doing the track. He did lots of ad-libs and we put a few at the end of the tune to give TDA fans a feel of being in the studio with us.

I'm happy to say that yesterday I put the last board on my roof and it's looks pretty darn good. And, yes, I celebrated with a frosty, foaming mug of cheer. So, what time is it? Polka (and beer) time! Enjoy!

Nice Words About Squeeze Machine

Courtesy of songs:illinois. Thanks!

P.S. You can read fan reviews of the new Those Darn Accordions CD (and add your own!) on our Squeeze Machine post.

Squeeze Machine Secrets: 'Tandem Bike'

Inspiration for a tune can come out of nowhere, or right at you on a bike path. We had a day off in Stevens Point, Wisconsin, and I was sitting at my laptop in my hotel room when I noticed Carri walking briskly across the parking lot. I thought for sure she must be headed to a store and decided to seize the moment and put in an order for a sandwich and a candy bar.

I slid open my window and asked her where she was going and she completely confounded me by replying that she was off to rent a bike. Then she asked me (demanded, actually) if I wanted to come along, claiming that as a band leader, I need to keep in shape, blah blah blah. It was the last thing I wanted to do, but before I knew it, I was pedaling down a bike path about 50 yards behind Carri, breathing dust and wondering how I could have let this happen.

The Stevens Point bike path is a loop, but at times it uses city streets, and somehow we managed to get lost. We stopped to check the map the bike-rental shop had given us, but we couldn't make any sense out of it. That's when an older couple came gliding serenely toward us on a tandem bike.

Now, I had always thought that a tandem bike is a sure recipe for divorce, but these folks looked like they were having a wonderful time. I waved them down and asked them for directions, and they came to a graceful, synchronous stop in front of us. The gentleman in front gave me directions and we exchanged a few pleasantries; then he proceeded to remount and pedal off.

Unfortunately, Carri was still engaged in deep conversation with his wife as the bike began to move away. The poor woman did her best to make a quick seating and get in step, but alas, they only made it about 5 feet before slowly careening down to the ground. I was truly shocked and fearful that they might be hurt, but they waved us off and said they were fine. The gentleman then mentioned that it was the first time they had gone down in 30 years. Carri and I both felt a little guilty about helping to break this streak, and we offered our most heartfelt apologies.

Well, sort of.

I must admit that as soon as I saw they were OK, my mind was headed on its own little tandem-bike adventure. "Tandem bike" -- it just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? How could you not write a song about this? I tried not to for about 10 minutes. This happens sometimes. You know you're going to write a song about something, but you are feeling lazy and try to put it off for as long as possible. But then the lines start coming, and as soon as I start to chuckle, I know I have to do it.

As we continued our ride I would occasionally catch up with Carri and sing a few lines. She got in the spirit and threw out a few of her own, and by the time we made it back to the rental shop, this little ditty was complete. I especially like the ending, which -- oddly enough -- came first!

Happy Birthday, Squeeze Machine!

The new Those Darn Accordions CD hit store shelves today. You can get it at your local record store (make them special order it if necessary), on iTunes or from the TDA Store.

The fan reviews are rolling in -- get your copy quick so you can give us your two cents! And be sure to check the Wall of Wheeze this week for Paul's "Squeeze Machine secrets," a series of posts outlining just what, exactly, he was thinking when he penned songs like "Mr. Saggy Butt" and "Larry's Wonderful Life." (The first one, about "This Song," is already live.)

Pass the champagne, would you dear?

Squeeze Machine Secrets: 'This Song'

At our live concerts, a lot of folks come up and tell me they like the stories I tell before some of our tunes. They say knowing where the inspiration comes from helps them enjoy the tunes more, or at least make them tolerable. Well, I'm all for that! After a bit of prodding from our bass player, Lewis, I've decided to offer a little insight into the tunes on our new CD, Squeeze Machine, one day at a time.

I'll do my best to explain them, but I can't guarantee that it's all going to make sense. With any luck, this will eliminate some of the RCA dog looks at upcoming shows.

Let's start with the first track on the CD, "This Song."

Every year I take my family to my home state of Michigan and reconnect with some childhood friends and their families. We all head up north to a great little resort on Lake Michigan. Bonfires glow on the beach every night, and inevitably someone brings out a guitar and a sing-along ensues. Now, I've never been one for singing around the campfire, don't know why exactly, but I prefer to stare into the fire (or the stars) with a beer or glass of wine and share a laugh with my old friends, unfettered by melodic angst and improvised percussion.

One night another family came over to our fire with a couple guitars and a huge songbook. They were very prepared and, I must say, quite good. They sang a lot of tunes from the '60s and '70s and even a few new ones. I was almost tempted to bust a version of "Hamsterman" but thought better of it. Then they sang a couple of Beatles songs and for some reason it reminded me of a Fab Four tribute band I saw in Reno awhile ago.

I started thinking about some of my musician friends who have been slogging it out in the clubs the past 30 years and are still hoping to "make it" one day. I was thinking about all the musicians out there, including myself, who start out with a dream and just can't seem to let go. I went to sleep thinking about this and woke up with the line, "This song's got money written all over it." The rest of the lines just sort of fell in place. I walked to the cottage next door, grabbed a guitar from one of the kids and started singing "This Song." There's a video of it somewhere -- I look real sleepy and sound like a frog -- but that's where the song was born.

What's the Word on Squeeze Machine?

UPDATED: The official Sept. 18 release date hasn't hit yet, but the new Those Darn Accordions CD, Squeeze Machine, is out there in the wild -- we've sold hundreds at gigs and through the pre-release online sale. Perhaps it's time to solicit some quick reviews. Have you heard it? What do your ears tell you? Inquiring minds want to know ...

It's Our Party, and You Can Come If You Want To!

The official Squeeze Machine Midwest CD-release party happens tonight at FitzGerald's in Berwyn, Ill. We'll be playing tons of material off the new record, and special guests will include executive producer Jim Barry and art guy Sean Pete (who created the steampunk accordion on the CD cover and pulled together the rest of the album artwork). If you're in Chicagoland, come on down!

Indy to Oshkosh: On the Road With TDA

Here's what it's like to roll with Those Darn Accordions: Wake up way too early to the sound of a cell phone alarm. Drive to the Indiana State Fair. Set up your gear. Sweat a bit. Look at the new copies of Squeeze Machine in sunlight for the first time.

Load onto the stage. Marvel at the stage manager's "fun is corntagious" fair shirt. Eat a hand-dipped corn dog. Play three sets, with the temperature steadily rising. (If you're the bass player, screw up a couple of songs -- in the best parts!) Eat a ribeye sandwich. Load off the stage, sweating mightily.

Get in a rental car. Drive toward Wisconsin. Get some coffee at Starbucks. Just before you get out of Indiana, have a nice dinner at Red Lobster (drink three more cups of coffee). While exiting the restaurant, notice the gusting wind and the far-off lightning. Notice that the storm rages between you and Wisconsin. Start driving.

When the torrential dowpour begins, pull over along the highway to endure the worst rain-and-hail storm you've ever seen (imagine 100 angry monkeys with golf clubs and a firehose beating relentlessly on your rental car for 10 minutes). Shriek in disbelief as the hailstones, some of which are just about as big as your fist, slam into your car. Question the state of the windshield of your rented Impala and, in the end, praise the inventor of safety glass. Drive very slowly for a long time, dodging downed trees and miniature lakes that have sprung up in fast lane.

Stop just over the Wisconsin state line for some vending machine "cappucino." Inspect the welter of dents on the rental car and relish the opportunity to perform a real-world test of the "automatic" insurance coverage your credit card gives you.

Keep on driving.

Get to Oshkosh, only to discover that the hotel bar is closed. Walk up the street to Screwballs Sports Pub, 216 N. Main St., Oshkosh, (920) 651-1515, to enjoy a late-night New Glarus double header. Revel in beers that go from half-price to free. Thank proprietor Brett Jungwirth profusely, and promise to drop off a copy of Squeeze Machine. Type yourself into a frenzy as you get psyched to play with Tower of Power and David Sanborn at Waterfest, and plot your revenge against Erin the overachiever.

'Squeeze Machine' Pre-Release Sale Starts

Help buy Paul some gas money for that big white van! Place your orders now for the new Those Darn Accordions CD, Squeeze Machine, at the special pre-release price of just $13.50. Order your copy now from the TDA Store and it will be delivered on or about the official release date of Sept. 18.

Our manufacturer assures us we'll also have copies of Squeeze Machine in time for at least some of our upcoming shows.